Don't you send me to vm
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
