Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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