whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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