i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize