I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
