so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
