Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
