im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
