sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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