hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
