In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
