Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
