I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
