Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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