Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
