Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
