is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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