Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
