"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
