i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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