at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize