i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
