walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Randomize
