I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize