When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize