barbara walters just said penis...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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