He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just pee around me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
