its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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