he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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