Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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