We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
