So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
