I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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