Im at strip club and am horny
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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