I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Small penises have feelings too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There are leaves in my underwear?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
