I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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