Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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