i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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