so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
