That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
