He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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