I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
