Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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