Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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