I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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