I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
