I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize