Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
