Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
