I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
