Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
