I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
