i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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