did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
