So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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