you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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