Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
