Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
