You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
someone owes me an orgasm
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My bed smells like the plague
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
