just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
