I am puke
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
