I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am naked and annoyed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
