My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
