you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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