i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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