My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
