If that was your dad, he is hot
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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