I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize