Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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