you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
