i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
