I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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