Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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