so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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