That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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