im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
